Inch by inch I could feel the belt slowly tightening around my heart. Then it felt as though the life force was being sucked out through my nostrils. A dark depression was creeping back into my life and the clutter and mess in my home were compounding the effects.
What I was seeing in my environment seemed to be synonymous with what was going on in my head. A mess of thoughts, a mess of things, restricted actions, restricted movement. A friend of mine had recently moved and he gave me a collection of times he couldn’t fit in his car as he drove out to D.C., so I took it to make some extra cash since I can use every penny being an entrepreneur and all.
I was super grateful for these items that had been gifted to me, but having a desk, crockpot, kitchen aid blender, and a bunch of other random items crammed inside my tiny living room that already had a bunch of furniture drove me pretty insane. However, slowly, one by one, I began getting rid of things.
I was super grateful for these items that had been gifted to me, but having a desk, crock pot, kitchen aid blender, and a bunch of other random items crammed inside my tiny living room that already had a bunch of furniture drove me pretty insane. However, slowly, one by one, I began getting rid of things
What a tremendous relief that washed over me after the desk got sold. As time went on though, It didn’t really get better, and my depression got worse. The thing about depression is that it renders you almost incapacitated. You want to sleep all the time and shun yourself from the world. You want to ask for help, but you don’t know how or what to ask for help with. Your work also suffers because you know you have to much to do but you feel extra overwhelmed and the thoughts just beat you down. “Can you really do this?” “I need to be better,” but then you’re not better so you tell yourself you’re a pathetic piece of shit. At this point in my life, I’m extremely aware of my thoughts, but when habit takes over, and you’re in a weak place, it can be impossible to control.
Then something clicks. This time around I think it was doing some Wim Hoff breath techniques that helped the most. What happened is after doing the breathing techniques I started to take back control of my space and rearranged my living room, got rid of some chairs that were taking up to much space, and cleared off all the tables.
Deep breath in… Ahhhh. Just thinking about the experience, I literally did that as I sat here writing this.
I’m finally starting to feel better, and decluttering the living room definitely helped. It’s about taking control of something. We can often feel we have a lack of control in our lives, so finding things we can control helps us take back some agency and feel relieved and refreshed.
It’s important to simplify, taking on organizing the whole office is overwhelming, and you’ll probably never get to that. The first step is just focusing on doing one thing. For instance, just put away the papers all over the desk. If you feel you’re done there, then stop and do one more thing tomorrow. However, what I think you’ll find is that you keep going and end up getting the whole office tidied up.
It amazing what having an organized and efficient home can do for your entire life. It easily bleeds into other areas and helps them improve as well.
The belt has finally been loosened from my heart, and I’ve managed to snort back some of the life force that was lost. My next move is to reorganize my closet for the 3rd time, I’m excited to see what that does for me.
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